Agentic vs. Mimetic: Why Some People Build, and Others Wait for Permission

When I was growing up, I didn’t realize how rare it was to be raised by someone deeply agentic.

My dad didn’t just have ideas he made them happen. He built gliders. Designed and constructed our family home. Crafted two wooden kayaks from scratch. Ran his own architectural practice. If he could imagine it, he built it.

Looking back now, I realize that level of self-directed action agency isn’t something most people are encouraged to develop. Not at school. Not at work. And definitely not in toxic systems.

But agency isn’t a talent. It’s a muscle. And somewhere along the way, I learned to flex it too.

Agentic vs. Mimetic: Two Different Ways of Moving Through the World

I recently heard someone use the word mimetic to describe the opposite of agency. It stopped me in my tracks because it perfectly named a dynamic I’ve seen in both the art world and in coaching clients who are recovering from toxic workplaces.

Here’s the difference:

Agentic People:

“I want to make this so I will.”

• Driven by inner desire and values

• Trust their own instincts

• Take initiative without waiting to be chosen

• Comfortable going off-script

• Create things that didn’t exist before

  
  

These are the people who start businesses, paint a series without a guaranteed sale, write books before they have readers, or call out injustice before anyone else dares.

They are builders and disruptors, often misunderstood or mischaracterized as “difficult” or “uncooperative” especially in rigid systems.

Mimetic People:

“They’re doing that should I?”

• Driven by external models and comparisons

• Seek safety through alignment and approval

• Follow trends, programs, and proven paths

• Often freeze without permission or precedent

• Excellent at polishing and refining, but struggle to originate

  
  

These are the folks who do well in school, follow the rules, climb the ladder, and often burn out wondering why it still doesn’t feel like their life.

Where It Gets Complicated

Here’s the twist: most of us are a mix. We may be naturally agentic, but conditioned to be mimetic. Or we may feel safe mimicking others until a moment of crisis calls us to lead ourselves.

And for my coaching clients who’ve experienced workplace bullying or systemic discrimination, I see a painful pattern:

Agentic people get punished for not conforming. Mimetic behaviors are rewarded, but ultimately soul-eroding.

After enough gaslighting or criticism, even the most agentic person can start second-guessing everything shrinking into roles, routines, and rules that keep them “safe,” but never fulfilled.

So how do we reclaim agency?

We practice it. We nurture it. We notice when we’re defaulting to the mimetic path, and gently steer ourselves back.

Ask yourself:

• Is this decision coming from me or from fear of being judged?

• Am I acting from inspiration or imitation?

• What would I do if I didn’t need anyone’s permission?

  
  

You don’t have to blow up your life to get back into agency .But you do have to listen. And take one real, soul-aligned step at a time.

A Final Note

In my work whether it’s painting a portrait, mentoring artists, or helping someone recover from a toxic job I’m always trying to light the path back to agency.

Because the most powerful thing you can do isn’t to follow someone else’s script. It’s to realize: you were always allowed to write your own.